When I logged onto the Book of Faces this morning, the first thing I saw in my newsfeed was this:       Sigh.

Let me translate for you:

Jeebus Christ, there goes that damn Obama woman demeaning the White House with her undemure, less-than- Stepford -First-Wife behavior.

Look at that, she’s practically thrusting her First Crotch in that dude’s face!!!!

Look at her, in contrast to that classy, well-dressed, 1960′s white First Lady………….she’s wearing sweat-pants, for Christ’s sake, and looking incredibly, ironically monkey-like in that photo (and lord knows I don’t want to be called racist when I make a chimp comparison to the First Wookie, but come on now – why can’t she be like Laura Bush and champion something lady-like, like reading or the boobie cancer?)…….why’s she got to go all Sheena Jungle Queen with her bare arms, and her crop pants and her big booty everywhere?????????

WHERE’S THE DIGNITY?????????????????? 

“Moochelle” Obama

“Mooch-elle” Obama

“Her Thighness”

” MooseShell”

“The First Wookie”

“The First Sheboon”

“MicheJemima”

and too many various racial/misogynist names to list here………………….

Pundits, bloggers, and ordinary people of the conservative persuasion seem to have an assload of names they like to use for our current FLOTUS aside from her Christian one (titter, titter, we all know she’s a secret MOOSLIM!), Michelle Obama, or her current title, First Lady.

In the Right-wing blogosphere, the adjectives most often used to describe her are “arrogant”, “low class”, “big butt”, “angry”, and “unattractive”.

The phrase used most often in relation to her and her anti-obesity efforts?

“Who does she think she is?”,

followed by

“Who is she to talk about fitness with that big ass?”

and

“God, When is she going to GO AWAY?”

When Michelle  Obama presented the Best Picture Oscar to the producers of Argo last month, conservative heads EXPLODED with outrage, and memes like the following popped up everywhere:

and this:

    Never mind that conservatives have been slashing the hell out of state department budgets left and right, and are the very reason the Bengahzi embassy was vulnerable to attack by radicals………..let’s make it all about the First lady, shall we?

Because crazy terrorist shit that probably could have been prevented if  Al Qaeda guys on terrorist watch lists had not been allowed to take piloting lessons on US soil or had at least been detained when boarding planes could NEVER happen on a conservative’s watch, right?

RIGHT.

But I digress ………………………….. this post is about what a disgrace to the words “First Lady” Michelle Obama is, and how lovely it will be four years from now when the Terrible Reign of the Uncultured Mandingo-Fucker is over and we finally get a nice, genteel, REAL lady (cough, cough- rich white woman- cough, cough) back in the WHITE House as our First Lady.

Just cruise ANY conservative website, and you will see EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

The Blaze, Breitbart, Atlas Shrugs, New Republic, anything Fox-related, or stroll through social media…..sites and people will claim they are not racist and do not tolerate racism, but they post racist photo after racist photo of the current FLOTUS, and their comment sections are full of it.  I have had to hide  a relative on the Book of Faces who insists on posting things from a page called Chicks on the Right , a page whose photo albums are chock full of pictures like this

and this

and this

and this,

……… with accompanying comments like

“It’s Hard to believe this is our First Lady”

“She still looks like a chimp”

“What if I call her a wookie? She does closely resemble Chewbacca!”

“Classless”

“GAWD! Michelle looks like a low class frump! What a disgrace!”

“I despise the obamas! She is no first lady!”

“I really love all the “shocked” people on here; acting outraged towards the people making fun of Manchelle.”

“Ghetto sasquatch, gee thanks.”

“looks like a demented Reesus Monkey”

“Trash! Nothing about her says “first lady” “

“orangutan”

And when someone finally comments on the racist nature of the comments (NEVER once the “not racist” page owners, mind you) -

“Wow, all the racist comments are a fabulous ‘avenue for change’ for the makeover, way to go fans. Way to push the conservative party into the trash bin, where it belongs if it’s full of racism. There’s no justification for some of the comments made here.”

the reactions of course fall along this line of thought:

“Markell Sargent Harden, you are a typical liberal. I didn’t see anyone mention race, except for you. You saw color first, then accused everyone of being a racist, when it is you who is the racist. Everyone is talking about what an unattractive and disgrace Michelle Obama is to the White House. Her color has nothing to do with her being downright homely and her thinking that we the taxpayer is her personal bank account.”

Because hey, there’s NOTHING racist about inserting bubbles of “ebonic” speech patterns, photoshopping her to look like a monkey, or constantly referencing primates, welfare, the ghetto, and her big ‘ol booty when denigrating the First Lady , is there?

I mean,  in the battle of the Classy, Role-Model-y First Ladies, Michelle Obama is just an abject failure as a human being, ammirite?

She’s certainly no Nancy Reagan

whose children were notoriously not her biggest fans, and who had a penchant for psychics and astrologers.

She’s also no Laura Bush,

a perfectly nice-seeming lady who used the office to push literacy, which is awesome, and also walked away scott-free after running a stop sign at age 17 and killing a classmate, which is decidedly NOT awesome.

She’s also no Barbara Bush, who seemed to think that having a hurricane wipe out their homes, families, livelihoods, and personal dignity was somehow an advantage for the many victims of Hurricane Katrina who sought refuge in Houston,

and also kept a miscarried fetus in a jar that she later showed to her son George W. Bush, because hey – who DOESN’T  keep fetal children in jars to show off to their living children (ahem, Santorum)?

Michele should really sit down and take some notes on bigotry, creepyness, child-rearing, and how to avoid a vehicular manslaughter charge, those things really class up a First Lady’s biography, no?? 

We are long past the days when First Ladies were expected to be silent, smiling, Stepford arm-candy whose public appearances are relegated to herding the First Children and attending State dinners.

I can relate to a FLOTUS, black, white, or otherwise, who is not totally defined by her husband, is not afraid to appear in public without looking like she’s going to high tea 24/7, and is not afraid to let the paparazi see her being a normal human being. We as a society spend an awful lot of time criticizing Britain and their royal family, and yet we expect our first families to behave like royalty. We also expect them to keep their clothes on, which makes that photo comparing Michelle with the international First Ladies ironic – if you could Google  ”Michelle Obama nude” and have actual posed for-photos pop up instead of photoshopped atrocities , conservatives would have a shit fit. I don’t see any shame in the human form, and I think the French First Lady’s photos are tasteful and nothing to squawk about, but you can bet if that were Michele Obama posing like that she’d be scorned from one side of the country to the other as a porn whore.

So, to the “chicks on the right” and the conservative low-fruit grabbers who follow them, I say this:

Get the fuck over yourselves, and get the fuck over being called on your implied AND your implicit racism.

Because if you call a woman with a  degree and a successful law practice  ”classless ghetto trash” and a “chimp” because she dares to be seen in public dancing with children, working out, or not always decked out in designer duds, yeah  - YOU’RE BEING A BIT OF A RACIST DICKHOLE.

And if you complain about how much her clothes cost when she DOES get dressed up and say she’s a “typical welfare queen” who is wasting the taxpayer’s money on clothes – YOU’RE BEING A BIT OF A RACIST DICKHOLE AGAIN.

And if you allow racist pictures to be posted to your page and racist comments to be made simply because OMG it’s a picture of Michelle Obama and I hate that bitch because COOKIES!!!!! - YOU’RE BEING A  COMPLETE  RACIST DICKHOLE.

You’re free to like or dislike whom ever you please, for whatever reasons you please.

But don’t insult my intelligence and say it has nothing  to do with race when you make race-based comments an post racially tinged memes to illustrate your dislike. Ignorance of the implications of those pictures and statements is just not excusable in 2013, unless you live in a segregated cave with no access to any sort of a history book.

So, in closing, I offer this summary:

I’m not stupid, and despite your best attempts to appear so, neither are you.

STAAAAAAHP.